I was dancing with my friend Babette Arroyo when she told me I had made a difference in the life of a woman who was going through a very difficult time.
“She had not been out of the house for a very long time,” Babett said. “You didn’t even know what a good thing you were doing, Mike.”
She was right. I had no idea.
Certain events in life can become so devastating that we are unable to move forward. Everything we learned to combat our sadness –meditation, prayer, friends, hobbies, cognitive therapy – do not seem to alleviate the pain. A downward spiral occurs.
So it was for the woman Babette was speaking about. But a great night out lessened that pain and I had been unknowingly involved .
“She told me, ‘This old guy who must have been 75 (Me? Do I look that old?) asked me to dance. I thought I knew some dance moves. Boy could he move!’”
This made me laugh.
The woman told Babette, “He was wearing white suspenders, white pants, a black shirt. He was sitting with a young fellow and a couple other older women. I was keeping my eyes open wondering if he would ask me to dance again.”
Babette said when the woman told her this, she knew it was me.
“You always dress like that,” Babette said.
This vignette has given me great pause.
Doing something good for someone in need is rewarding. When you aren’t aware of the good you’re doing, the reward can be even sweeter. That’s how I feel when I tell this story to my dance partners and friends.
There are so many people in need. Those needs are often hidden from others. The pandemic, however, revealed the soft underbelly of humanity.
Life went on during the crisis: People still had emergencies, kids still needed guidance, crimes still were committed. Loneliness multiplied.
Many of us tried to continue with our passions to combat the emotional distress: yoga, reading, painting, skiing, and, me, dancing lessons via Zoom.
The hard things we experience every day became exacerbated: depression, psychosomatic illness, and suicide climbed. False information we were getting from political leaders made things even worse.
It was during this time, however, that vast numbers of caregivers did everything they could to keep people going. From teachers to nurses to police officers to religious leaders: Everyone seemed to have a hand in trying to keep us moving forward.
This is instructive now for the next time we encounter a national or global crisis. Sometimes it seems the needs of our population are overwhelming. But one doesn’t necessarily have to travel with Doctors Without Borders to do some good.
Just take a look in your own city or town if you want to help. Call your town or city clerk, town manager, or the mayor’s office.
Consider driving for Meals On Wheels. For some disabled and elderly people, the knock on the door might be the only human contact they have all day. In fact, it was the quick thinking of a Meals On Wheels driver that alerted the police that my mother wasn’t answering the door. This led to her being found unconscious on the floor. She was resuscitated and got two more years of life.
Or be a driver for Northern Essex Transport for people who cannot get to medical appointments by themselves. Perhaps volunteer for Big Brothers-Big Sisters. You might even consider creating your own volunteer project. Certainly such efforts were rampant during the pandemic.
Doing something to enhance the life of someone else is, perhaps, one of the most satisfying things a person can do. Little did I know when I asked Babette’s friend to dance that her journey back to life would begin.
“Mike, another man asked her to dance and she stayed with him,” Babette said.
I answered, “Yes, I think I know who you mean. She looked like she was having a great time.”
And Babette told me, “I think you started her back. You don’t know the difference you made.”
Now I do, and that’s a memory I’ll hold dearly forever.
Michael Veves, 70, writes from Haverhill.