My new, seeming BFF is a pesky and excitable fellow. He sends me emails and texts with lots of capital letters and exclamation points nearly every day.
The latest text began, “ALL HELL JUST BROKE LOOSE!” And, the latest email began, “LIVE FROM TRUMP TOWER!”
No “Hi guy, what’s happening?” No, “hope all is well with you.” He just jumps right in to his notion of the moment.
I’m not sure where he got my email address, though it would be easy to find if someone looked. Why he looked I don’t know. Now, my cell number is a different matter. That would take some invasive effort. What’s really surprising is he found my wife’s cell number. He’s now her BFF too.
Is he yours?
Here are some of his messages. See if you recognize any.
“I’ll never abandon you! I CAN’T GO ON UNTIL I HEAR FROM YOU. They want me in prison for 187 years. SO PLEASE, deliver the LARGEST RESPONSE in history.” I NEED TO KNOW… Now that I’ve been found guilty in Biden’s rigged court: DO I STILL HAVE YOUR SUPPORT?”
“GUILTY?! It’s a dark day in America. The Radical Left will regret this. We’ll make sure of it.”
“ALL HELL JUST BROKE LOOSE! I WAS CONVICTED IN A RIGGED TRIAL!”
“I’m guilty! PRAY FOR AMERICA! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS COULD I IMAGINE THIS HAPPENING IN AMERICA! I’ve been arrested, I’ve been indicted, AND NOW I WAS JUST CONVICTED IN A RIGGED TRIAL! I AM A POLITICAL PRISONER! Crooked Joe Biden & his corrupt allies want me silenced for good. They think if they BURY me with their corrupt courts, proud patriots like you will GIVE UP ON TRUMP! BUT I KNOW YOU WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON ME! TOGETHER WE WILL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! We’re going to need a MASSIVE response. Because at this pivotal moment in history, I need to know that you STOOD BY MY SIDE! Before the day is over, I’m calling on TEN MILLION PRO-TRUMP PATRIOTS to chip in and say, I STAND WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP!”
“LIVE FROM TRUMP TOWER! I’m bypassing the lying FAKE NEWSmedia and delivering a message directly to YOU! As we speak, the DEEP STATE radicals are celebrating my felony convictions.”
I never imagined a former president would reach out to me like this. I considered framing all the messages and hanging them beside photos of me with George H. W. Bush and Gerald Ford.
Nah, they really don’t go together.
Crawford is a syndicated columnist from Jackson.