China had Confuscious. Greece had Aristotle, America has Vince, The Sign Guy.
All are worth quoting but 2024 requires something truly spectacular to get the wheel spinning.
These Vinceworthy quotes come right from his regular Colorado roadside sign. It has been a prolific year for him. So many opinions!
So little time to get the year off in the right mood. Thanks, Vince and his SignPuns for your continuing DadJoke wisdom into the new year.
“I think my wife is putting glue on my firearms. She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns.
Fruit farmers eat what they can and can what they can’t.
I wanted to get my pants hemmed quickly, so I called Taylor Swift.
It doesn’t make any cents but volunteering is rewarding.
I married my wife for her looks but not the ones I’ve been getting lately.
My landlord wants to talk about my high heating bills. I told him that my door was always open.
Great hide and seek players are really hard to find.
It wouldn’t have been Wright if Ford had invented the airplane.
A tombstone with a typo? Well that’s a grave mistake!
Taking steps to overcome my hiking addiction. But I’m not out of the woods yet.
Finally watched that documentary on clocks — it was about time!
I made a chicken salad last light. Apparently, they prefer grain.
My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list — now I can’t read anything!
At the Women’s Roofing Expo this week, all the shingle ladies will be there!
I took on a black belt. But all I got was a black eye in karate.
The banana went to the doctor because he wasn’t peeling well.
I bought a fake fish to protect my garden fish pond. He’s my dekoi.
When the dentist married the manicurist, they fought tooth and nail!
Laughing out loud is forbidden in Hawaii because it’s a low ha state.
When swarms of flying insects threaten our town, police deploy the swat team!
Larva was a great band before the Beatles emerged.
James Bond sports gray hair in his latest film “No Time To Dye”!
But ants never get sick because they have little anty bodies.
I was in a band called The Hinges. We once opened for the Doors.
When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
I have to wear memory foam insoles to remember why I walked into the next room.
To spell the word panda, you just need a P and A.
Being in debt attracts a lot of interest from bankers.
Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
My wife and I can’t count calories … and we have the figures to prove it.
Politicians? Please cancel my subscription to your issues!
Extra, extra! Man in boxers leads police in brief chase!
I got booted from the coffee club because I wore a tea shirt?
The only thing boarding school taught me was how to get on an airplane.
I wanted to marry a Carbon-14 expert but all she wanted to do was date.
To make a long story short, I became an editor.
Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
Apparently exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again!”
So those are my puny efforts to get 2024 off to a chuckling start. What are yours?