CUMBERLAND HEAD— Andrew Kimbler, 44, is a father seven times over.
“I had my first child pretty young. I was 24, I think. I have two adult children, who live on their own. I have a son, who lives with his mother’s mother, his grandmother. I have another son, who lives in a residential treatment center, and I have three that live with me at home. Their pretty much my whole life,” said the Cumberland Head resident.
His youngest children are Natalie, 13; Paige, 11; and Andy, 8.
Andrew has had full custody of them since early 2018.
“I have some experience raising children and everything, but it was always with a partner,” he said.
“I was a single father, basically for the first time in my life. I had never been a single father before. The kids were all pretty young. I really didn’t know exactly what I was doing. and so through an acquaintance, I was told about CCCCNC (Child Care Coordinating Council of the North Country) that they had a Parent Support Group there.”
OFFERED GUIDANCE
Andrew started going to the group to get some ideas about what he could do with his children when they’re acting out, ideas about family friendly activities and advocacy for them.
“For example, one of my children has developmental disabilities,” he said.
“I had no idea what that even meant at the time, but there was a staff person there named Vicki, who had a lot of experience. So, she guided me through the process of starting OPWDD (Office for People with Developmental Disabilities) services. She helped guide me through the processes of starting to get services for my son, staff workers, and respite care. She helped me find pediatric places that were specifically for kids with developmental disabilities.”
Andrew can’t articulate all the ways Family Connections and the Parent Support Group have been invaluable to him.
“I’ve been going there for six or eight years solid now,” he said.
“Just being able to talk to other parents that kind of go through the same kind of things that I go through. We give each other ideas about how to advocate for ourselves, and how to advocate for our children, and how to seek out intervention for different problems, behavioral problems, developmental problems, how to navigate school systems, how to navigate different human service systems that are in place. There’s so much red tape and stuff that makes it difficult for people to find services that they need for their children and themselves.”
PARENT SUPPORT GROUP
The Parent Support Group gathers to brainstorm solutions and help each other with additional support from staffers that help parents link to different services.
“I just went to a Foster Care and Adoption Conference and learned all about the process of adoption,” he said.
“Nathalie, my oldest, is not my biological child. She was already born when I met her mom. So, I’m going to adopt Nathalie. They’ve been helping me navigate that process. They’ve also helped me get in contact, I mentioned that I have another son in a residential treatment center. I’ve been able to form a relationship with him, and now I expect him to be in my home within the next year. Not back in my home, but in my home for the first time within a year.”
Andrew contributes this progress to the experiences and connections he has made through the CCCCNC.
“When I began this journey, I was completely lost,” he said.
“All my children are special needs, be it neurodevelopmental, emotional dysregulation, ADHD. I bring up those difficulties they have not that they define who my children are as people but to illustrate the challenges that each of them present. I had to educate myself as far as autism spectrum disorders, emotional dysregulation, the cycle of like a crisis and what are appropriate interventions at each stage of a child’s outburst so to speak. This is nothing that I was prepared for when I first started this journey.”
‘I COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT ALONE’
Andrew’s success as a father is underpinned by the help he receives from the agency and other parents, who walk in similar shoes.
“I made a tremendous amount of mistakes early on in my life,” he said.
“But when this all happened, and I realized that this was my children’s only chance was for me to be a successful parent and not make those kind of mistakes anymore, you know. I was able to kind of change my own life around. I couldn’t have done it alone.”
Andrew is very grateful he was able to reach out and ask for help when he was flailing.
“All these years later, my kids are happy that they’re safe. They never have to worry about a roof over their head. They never have to worry about being in danger or being around things they shouldn’t be around like drugs and alcohol,” he said.
ACTIVE IN THE COMMUNITY
Andrew and his children are active in the community, involved in a local church, participate in cooking classes and other activities at Family Connections.
“We go to the Great Escape on a regular basis,” he said.
“They are active members in the community, little itty-bitty members. I try to teach the kids about the importance of helping others and so on and so forth. It’s just an amazing life that we have been able to have. I’m so very grateful.”
They will have a jammed pack Father’s Day weekend. Friday, he attended a cookout with other fathers in the program hosted by Family Connections. On Saturday, Andrew and his children will travel to The Great Escape. Sunday, they will attend a cookout at his sister’s that includes his stepfather.
ADVICE TO FATHERS
His advice to other fathers:
“I would say to fathers never be afraid to ask for help. So often as men we find ourselves locked in a box that if we’re not self-reliant that we’re somehow a failure or we’re not successful. I found that is not the case. Success looks different for everyone. A man should never be afraid to reach out and ask for help when he needs it, especially when it benefits the people that he loves. I think that more than anything else has made all the difference not only in my life but in the life of my children.”
Since purchasing his home, Andrew and his children collect and paint rocks and give them away or leave them for others to find. It’s their tradition.
“It’s kind of weird, but it’s a fun activity we like to do,” he said.
“That’s one of the keys that I found out with kids. Experiences are much better than objects. So instead of spending money on things like expensive video games or something like that, I prefer to spend whatever resources we have on doing experiences together. Making memories. Socializing with other kids and other members of the community. We like to go swimming. We like to go to state parks, local parks.”
At Family Connections, they partake in movies, park days, and cooking classes.
Andrew takes advantage of respite opportunities, even if it’s only for an hour or two.
“It’s such an important part of self-care,” he said.
“Self care is so important for parents. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t take care of our children effectively. It’s a difficult journey, but it’s also the most rewarding. Like I said, success is different for everybody, but being a good dad has been the most important thing in my life. There’s nothing more important to me than my kids.”